Cravings

'Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like' - Mark Twain

With all due respect, bugger off Mark Twain.

I have had a contraceptive implant for eight years (not the same one, it’s been replaced a few times).  This has the dual benefits of a) stopping me from accidentally getting pregnant, and b) sort of regulating my periods.

I say ‘sort of’, because basically what it does is stops them from being reasonably regular and fairly predictable monthly occurrences.  Instead, imagine my insides are playing Russian Roulette, drawing blanks for months on end, followed by three weeks of complete unpleasantness, at an entirely unpredictable (but generally hugely inconvenient) time.  If I’m going on holiday, I can guarantee that’s when the ‘fun’ starts.

Other than that, the only clue that we’re entering the ‘danger zone’ is my least favourite thing about being an intolerant vegetarian...

Cravings.

Cravings are the body’s way of telling you it needs something.  For me, that something is carbs.  All the carbs.  Bread, pasta, pizza, chips, more bread, more pasta, all the pizza...  The cravings generally start about ten days before the main event, and last the duration.  We’re currently a month in, and it’s been hard. 

Not being able to eat gluten or dairy, it turns out, makes period cravings a million times worse.  Once upon a time, a craving was a minor irritation that was easily fixed with a bar of chocolate, a bag of crisps, or a stick of garlic bread. 

No more.

No matter how much fruit or how many nuts I eat, my body still isn’t content.  I’ve written before about bread, and how annoyingly, ridiculously expensive gluten free bread is.  It’s also like eating sawdust, and just doesn’t scratch that itch in the same way as a whole stick of garlic bread would. 

I feel like one of those wind-up toys you have as a kid; the ones that you wind up and let go, so it runs across the table and then falls onto the floor, landing on its back with its little legs waggling in the air.  Except I’ve not been let go yet, so I’m just full of tension and waiting for the energy to kick in.  It’s stressful.

I’m also on this stupid diet, because of an illness I had towards the end of last year, so I’m supposed to exercise, keep my weight down, and eat healthily.  Needless to say, the scales have been relegated to the back of the bedroom wardrobe until further notice.  That’s just an extra pressure I don’t need right now...

So I broke today.  For breakfast, I had a bag of crisps and two gluten free chocolate chip cookies.  For lunch, another cookie followed by a large portion of McDonald’s fries.  Dinner was a family-size bag of Cool Original Doritos, which are neither gluten free nor dairy free, washed down with a large glass of merlot.  I know I will regret this in an hour or so, but right now, for the first time in about a month, I don’t want to punch something. 

Recommendations for craving-busting, gluten free dairy free snacks on a postcard please!